http://www.absolutepresent.com/
http://www.health-energy.co.il/about_e.htm
They are working together this month in LA.I dont know why, but when I saw the advert in the back of Whole Life Times magazine, it just struck me. My intuition is not strong, my "6th" sense is not clear, but I need to see them for some reason, maybe only desperation and logic and hope. It is $200 for 45 minutes. I believe that they are loving and not frauds. I very much appreciate the Kabbalistic sensibility. I think this religion is based in truth of the love of God. I grew up Catholic. I do not feel the same good coming from present day (or past for that matter) Catholic church, or other organized religions. I do not identify with any one religion. I identify with my truth as unconditional loving energy of the universe which to me IS God pervasive...goodness and joyful always.
Why can I not connect to that source anymore?
YESTERDAY I FUCKED UP
I cried as I tried to get dressed in the a.m., as is par for the course now (I can not fit into most of what is in my closet. I used to be a high level fashion designer in NYC for 8 yrs, and still getting dressed is a fun and creative outlet every morning... when I am the right weight. But now it is a heavy source of sadness and I look conservative and boring and choose something black (low energy vibration) and and big and cover myself up and want to disappear. No fun. Then I get overwhelmed and sob looking at my huge body in the mirror standing there not knowing what I can possibly fit into and look half ok. Seeing my big fat face looking so old and hopeless and my hair so droopy. To me I look like a women's prison guard. My heavy face, even when I am not angry I look angry, people ask me what is wrong b/c my face is bigger and gravity is at work. That sucks. And, I also can no longer wear wireless bras, my boobs too big...great, stagnant lymph working it's way up to breast cancer (?), which my mom had so I have to be ultra aware. So I cry that I have to wear bras with wires as I am disfigured and out of proportion. It is pathetic. Believe me I KNOW PEOPLE ALL OVER THE WORLD HAVE REAL PROBLEMS.
So in my horror pathetic hopeless state I went and got organic swiss water decaf coffee with soy as I have developed an emotional addiction to it, but gave it up two weeks ago (this combo maybe making my breasts sore? They are really painful, hormonal imbalance? toxins?)
Then I got Fabes vegan choc chip cookies to drown myself in as I have not done that with cooked food in the last month, about time, huh? What an IDIOT!
I am addicted to cacao. A little everyday. Not 811 that's for sure!
YESTERDAY
7am 2 shot E-3 Live ...later Theraputic Enzymes
8am Quart of juice: Citrus + dark greens + herbs + burdock + celery
10am Organic swiss water decaf coffee with soy
10:30 Fabes vegan choc chip cookies
8pm 4 Persimmons
9:30 3/4 of Qt. juice - carrot +lettuce + dark greens + ginger + daikon radish + cucumber
NO EXC...because...
After work I went for a 3 HOUR ENERGETIC HEALING SESSION with goddess IRISIA.
I am soooo resistent, I mean I want to be better, but it is not easy for me to connect during this depression episode and I cant do things like take out my anger on a pillow. I just cant get there yet. So we talked a lot and she got me on her massage table and used essential oils and some chakra clearing techniques which I dont know much about. In the end I felt freer, more open. And her suggestions as to why I am in this state rang true for me though I did not think of them myself before. I realized thanks to her. I have GOT to move forward, up. Regain consciousness.
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